Dark Writer

“I know I did… I feel guilty, honestly I do. I… I loved her too you know…” “I know that Jen… but… you went way too far.” “we both agreed that you would back off… and I would leave you and Mark alone…”                 I held her guilty for everything she did to me… to us… I knew it for a fact… I lost her all because of Jen. I stood there still looking at the singer on stage.  “you know I did not love Mark… that was just a mess up… that is it…” “So you went and messed with her…” “Sander… I was first…” as she said this I sat back down on the other side of the table looking at her. “you were first? You were the reason that she lost it all in the first place. If you were first like you said…. Then why the hell did you let her go?!” after I said this I took a sip from my drink                 She looked at me… she always gave me those kinds of looks… she drank and  picked out a cherry from her glass… “you gave up on her too…” “that’s… that’s not true!” “Please Sander… I

Our eyes locked with each other… I paused for a second… I was trying to build up some courage to either  walk away from her  or talk to her… I could already feel my hand shaking. And my vision started to blur… my heart was pounding… My mind wanted to say so much… but my heart was far too hurt to say anything at all… “Jen…” I said… I felt as if my voice was cracking. “Sander…” “What brings you back to town?” “I wanted to get in to contact with some old friends” “Guess that I don’t count as an old friend.” “you’re… actually the person on the top of my list…” she said, letting out a sigh… “Let’s talk over a drink”                                  I entered the bar without waiting for her. She followed behind me.  I sat down at the bar… Char looked at me with cold eyes… as if I was really dead to her… I tapped on the table… we both knew that tapping was a signal for my usual drink… Char walked over to me and put a chilled beer next to me.. Jen then sat next to me… she called

“I don’t want to be called Ally! Only Sander calls me Ally!” I stepped out from the shadows “Ally, I’m here for you” her eyes were full of shock                 My blood chilled as I stood there looking at her… sitting on the edge of the bridge, basically on the edge of  no return… it was so hard to see her like that. I knew for a fact that we only had a few hours of time together.  It was not something. I was expecting… but even after a few hours for our time… I already felt like I loved her for my whole life… it was extremely new for me… I knew for a fact that she was different… But honestly… I wish I could just run away. I wish that I could do away with whatever I was feeling… but I still felt like I was desperate. Desperate for everything… the emotions that she made me feel… the fact that someone in the world knew how I felt was something that was so amazing to me so I wanted to keep that feeling… “Sander…. It can’t be… I must be going crazy.” I was thinking the same thin

But Honestly I hated her… I could not wait for her to be out of my life… but I could not think of anyone else to take her place. She was someone that just I loved fighting with… someone that was willing to take the hit and we both where able to distress as a reward. Lycel… I wish I knew how to deal with you… every time I try to talk to you… I just turn things sideways… every single time… Did I talk to her… I just went home… cold… alone… I felt my skin crawl as I walked past faces I would never remember. Faces that never really cared about me.                   I skipped out on class, I wanted to rest… I wanted to go home… the snow fell on my head as I walked away from everything. People always said that I run away from my problems often time I would say that it was not true, I was the kind of guy that took my problems head on. But whenever it came to Ice…  I just wanted to skip over it… or… not have anything to do with it… I took my time… there was no need for me to rush…  this is

This door was what felt like my way out.  my way to escape the world. I looked at the door one last time… as I touched the steel door, I felt the cold of the door rushing up my spine. My hand started to push against the door, and the door slowly opened the beam of light from the emergency room shot in to the dark hallway. Char looked at me…  As I started walking in to the room Char gabbed me. “Sander….” “Char.” “If you don’t want to go in there you don’t have too…” I let off a sight before I spoke again. “Who is it…” “Lycel” “Ice? What happened to her?!” “Don’t…. don’t think I am in my own right to tell you… but … you might want to think before you actually go in there….” “ Like I actually think.” “well if you do start to think maybe now is the best time…  I know for a fact that you two where no on the best terms the last time you saw each other.”                 That was true… honestly that is the only thing I could remember Whenever we were together I found that we wo

After a few hours of talking to her, the bus pulled in to its stop… even if the bus officially took  seven-ish hours it felt like only minutes, the moment that she got up was the end of what felt like everything.  I felt like I was about to lose a friend… I felt like I was about to be alone again. Truth be told I was starting to panic.  As she got out of her chair and started to walk down the path way I reached out and grabbed her hand. “Ally I love you!... I can’t live without you… I want you to be in my life forever … Love me forever… you’re the only one that understands me I don’t want you to leave me!  you’re the only reason why I am still a live” why my mind even started to think of something like that in the first place, I could not even tell you why… but my mind was stuck on her…  honestly I wish that I did say that. But I did not say anything. I asked something simpler than that. “Will…” she looked at me. sitting back down. “sander you okay?” “I… I want to ask you some

“Sander. “ “Nice name…” she said… her expression was flat and next to emotionless.  But I saw something change.  There was something that changed in those eyes of hers.  There was a small bit of hope… I soft fire on the edge of blacking out…                 To say we barely spoke would be a lie… I know for a fact that we were the most talkative people on the bus, the bus ride was about seven to eight hours… and to believe that we talked for so long, I was thinking that she was just going some kind of crazy person… but truth be told… she seemed more sane than me…                 We talked about how the world was going to ruin us… how it was going to tear us apart, truth be told yes we have similar views about the world… but we could not be more different. Taste in music, she was an athlete and I was a gamer. She was a scholar and I was a flunked most of my classes. She loved cold foods and I loved anything that was hot..                 But with all that we had our similarities. We

Then I remembered everything... I remembered that day. it was a day in January, i was on a bus to the capital. it was for an educational outing, as i was sitting on the bus  I was sitting at the right side next to the window... i was heading there alone. my family was not with me at that time...                 I found myself looking out the window next to me, I was thinking about how much the world had problems... even if I was supposed to be happy, As i sat there in a pool of self-loathing... my attentions was focused on the passing farm fields. I was honestly thank full that I was not all alone... There was a girl sitting next to me, she was on her laptop for a few minutes before she suddenly closed it... as she put on her headset... I could not do anything else but stop and look at her; I could not look away, her features drew me in.           Her dark golden hair, cut to her shoulders, the hair was also tied up in to a pony tail. I found her blue eyes interesting… esp