My Battle With Mental Health (Chapter 1)[page 8] Crushed Snow.

But Honestly I hated her… I could not wait for her to be out of my life… but I could not think of anyone else to take her place. She was someone that just I loved fighting with… someone that was willing to take the hit and we both where able to distress as a reward. Lycel… I wish I knew how to deal with you… every time I try to talk to you… I just turn things sideways… every single time… Did I talk to her… I just went home… cold… alone… I felt my skin crawl as I walked past faces I would never remember. Faces that never really cared about me.  

                I skipped out on class, I wanted to rest… I wanted to go home… the snow fell on my head as I walked away from everything. People always said that I run away from my problems often time I would say that it was not true, I was the kind of guy that took my problems head on. But whenever it came to Ice…  I just wanted to skip over it… or… not have anything to do with it… I took my time… there was no need for me to rush…  this is when I started to think about her… my ally cat… if I said I did not miss her that would be a lie… every second I was in this world I missed her.

                By the time I saw my door I was already drowning in my self-loathing. I already hated myself for everything. I hated every second I was alive. I remembered a time when I was happy… with her… My Ally cat, I did everything… I wanted something new… I wanted a reason to live… but after I said good bye to her on that bus I realized that I may never see her again… yes I knew that was a problem but the fact is… I was okay with it. I knew that if she was with me… i would have suffered she was something that was completely new to me. it was so hard to realize that someone like her could be friends with someone like me… then I remember that I was home alone… no one in my life… I did not want to make another mistake. I knew if I did… nothing would change.  Like with her… my Ally.

                Like the time. I was with her… I know that she loved me… but the way I realized that… I could never her love her the way I used to… as I sat alone all I can remember was her. She was the only reason in my life… well she used to be. Honestly when I said good bye to her on that bus I felt like I was giving up a friend.  But then… I remember the time when I saw her again.

                it was three months after the buss… when I got back to Guio in those three months I could barely sleep I was already losing my mind… I was grieving over someone that was not even dead… but my fear got the better of me, and my depression consumed me It forced me to be someone so useless someone that everyone hated… Often times I would take a walk… these walks of mine where away to get me focused on things. Make me realize what was going on. But honestly that’s just what I told myself… I took these walks just so I could try to find her… find Ally.  Till one night. I heard someone screaming in pain…  it was close towards the bridge near my common route. My mind was panicked the first thing I thought of was her Ally… but… my body was frozen… the scream was there only for a few seconds… but with everything going on I just stood there… looking in to the darkness… the street was lit  by a single street lamp. My mind was rushing around with ideas that would be the death of me. but… I over came them…  cause the only thing in my mind was finding Ally… I walked closer to the bridge I saw a figure sitting on the rails. And sobbing. This was something I did not want to see. My head was so messed up so I spoke… and the first thing I said was.

“Ally? And to my surprise that figure replied
“Don’t call me Ally!” she said as if she hated that name. her head turned to me and spoke once more.