My Battle With Mental Health (Chapter 1)[page 11] Dark little secrets

“I know I did… I feel guilty, honestly I do. I… I loved her too you know…”
“I know that Jen… but… you went way too far.”
“we both agreed that you would back off… and I would leave you and Mark alone…”

                I held her guilty for everything she did to me… to us… I knew it for a fact… I lost her all because of Jen. I stood there still looking at the singer on stage. 

“you know I did not love Mark… that was just a mess up… that is it…”
“So you went and messed with her…”
“Sander… I was first…” as she said this I sat back down on the other side of the table looking at her.
“you were first? You were the reason that she lost it all in the first place. If you were first like you said…. Then why the hell did you let her go?!” after I said this I took a sip from my drink

                She looked at me… she always gave me those kinds of looks… she drank and 

picked out a cherry from her glass…

“you gave up on her too…”
“that’s… that’s not true!”
“Please Sander… I know you better than you think… ”
“It’s not true…”
“it is Sander… I remember when you ran over to me… you gave up on her with me…”
“Shut up that was… that was just a onetime thing! “ as I said this she started to munch on the cherry. As she was eating she said
“The way you kissed me said otherwise…”

                Jen was always so good at over exaggerating things. But I knew exactly what she was talking about. It was a while ago… It was the time when Ally and I finally “fixed” a few of her problems. I talked Ally off the bridge… I brought her home… I took care of her… but as we got closer, we got more intimate.  We were far too flirty for our own good. Our dates composed of us sitting in her room… doing things teen agers just should not do.  But truth be told… I enjoyed every second of it… it was good relief from the real world. it honestly felt like we were going to make it far… we never fought it was always so simple… we would both just agree on things. We both knew how messed up the world was… but honestly there were times where we would… talk about just ending everything, but we were not perfect. We would still mess up from time to time, we both had the fear that we would break up… it was a rational fear, no one wants to be abandoned… but we would just have fun to try and forget about everything. Yes I knew for a fact that we were still young... but we were more mature than our teachers. More mature than people than other people in our life… so in our minds we had the right to make mature choices… where am I going with all of this? Well… I found out after some time that I was not the only one that she had intimate times with… this is where I met Jen… but back then I called her Jenifer… Ya… honestly when I found out… I was shocked… I really did not see it coming. But to make it simple… Ally came clean… she was in to some… well… for lack of a better term, really freaky stuff. To tell you what happened I can list off two things… then you might get it… first thing was odd to me at the time