My Battle With Mental Health (Chapter 1)[page 10] Frozen singer

Our eyes locked with each other… I paused for a second… I was trying to build up some courage to either  walk away from her  or talk to her… I could already feel my hand shaking. And my vision started to blur… my heart was pounding… My mind wanted to say so much… but my heart was far too hurt to say anything at all…

“Jen…” I said… I felt as if my voice was cracking.
“Sander…”
“What brings you back to town?”
“I wanted to get in to contact with some old friends”
“Guess that I don’t count as an old friend.”
“you’re… actually the person on the top of my list…” she said, letting out a sigh… “Let’s talk over a drink” 

                                I entered the bar without waiting for her. She followed behind me.  I sat down at the bar… Char looked at me with cold eyes… as if I was really dead to her… I tapped on the table… we both knew that tapping was a signal for my usual drink… Char walked over to me and put a chilled beer next to me.. Jen then sat next to me… she called over Char.

“Dear may I get a coke and cherries? “
“No hard drinks?... umm… yes ma’am coming right up” Char left to go get her drink…Jen spun on her chair to look at me…
“so… How are you doing?” I drank a little from my beer.
“You… are talking so casually… like nothing ever happened…  you make it seem like you didn’t ruin my life…”
“I did not mean to…” I felt blood pump to my head I got so angry I could barely think of anything else… all I wanted to do was hit her.
“you did not mean to… am I supposed to believe you?”
“I’m sorry Sander… I really am…”
“It’s not me you should say sorry too…  it’s her… not me…”
“Sander…”  even if my eyes were focused on my drink,  I suddenly felt her hand holding mine.
“Not me Jen…”
“Sander… it’s been five years… can you not forgive me for that. ” that was true… it was five years ago… but I could still hear her cry… as I was about to speak, Char brought Jen her drink…  I got up and looked at Char.
“can I rent out the private room upstairs?”
“Ye… I’ll give it to you for free Sander.” I started walking upstairs…
 “Sander!... wait!”  she said rushing after me . As I sat down in the room I waited for Jen to come in to the room, as she entered… I said
“lock the door… then we can really talk.

                I saw the fear in her eyes… she knew I was so sensitive about this topic… Just so terrified. But she still did it… she locked the door then sat down next to me… I looked out the window… gave a good view of the stage. As I looked out at a girl making her way on to the stage I said
“You killed her… I’m supposed to forgive you for that.” 

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