My Battle With Mental Health (Chapter 1)[page 25] Dreams with Regret

“We can make it warmer…
“Warm heart for a warm room…”

                Her arms wrapped around my neck… This… feeling… I don’t remember it… but it… feels so familiar… I was feeling hung over… but my head felt so clear… Her lips gently touched mine… the kiss was soft but passionate… and as the kiss broke… I unintentionally smiled… her dark blue eyes… made it so… clear… this was supposed to be a onetime thing… I brushed the hair out of her eyes… then lead my hand down to her chin, god… the control I need for this… I can really do anything… my head rushing with so much on my mind… I can’t really think of anything else but her… the way she looked at me. I was infatuated with her…

“You’re smiling….”
“You make it sound like I’ve never done that before…”
“I’ve seen you smile… but this one… is real.”
“You know me to well…”
“I don’t even know your last name… but… this…”
“Just a one time thing I know”
“Hell no dude… I actually want to… give this thing a shot…”
“It… it won’t work out… I want this to be a onetime thing Niki…”
“We want different things… I’ve just… needed something like this…”
“It won’t work… But we can still be friends.” As I said this she kissed me… and it got me thinking….why am I actually doing this? What’s the point… I don’t want to hurt Niki like I hurt Alison… she broke the kiss…
“Maybe… friends with something more? ”
“You’re crazy… But… it’s so crazy It might work…”
“Just friends…”

                She throw the blanket over the both of us… and my head slowly fell as she kissed me on to the pillow. My arms reached around her…  my head was beating… I could feel my heart beating faster and faster… she reached back and interlaced her fingers with mine…. Then at that point… my mind went wondering… I held in my mind how much I loved being with someone…I truly wanted to feel happy…  but I remember back in the day with Alison…

“San… Babe let’s go…”
“Ally… I’m so lazy… I don’t  want to go out today.”
“Come on… it’s just school.” I did not thing but sigh…
“It’s hard to love a lazy blob like you… ”
“Sounds like it’s not my problem”
“Lord… you so lazy…”
“I did not tell you to live with me… you just showed up one day…”
“Well I’m regretting it now Sander…”