My Battle With Mental Health (Chapter 1)[page 23] Night internal abuse

That was clearly not true at this point… as I looked around the room the only person looking at me was Ice… she was looking at me and she started to shake her head… Niki pulled me closer to her. the room was so silent you could hear the muffled singer from outside. She was singing some old song… it was popular about 50 years ago. Danny looked at everyone for a second…

“So what’s everyone’s plan for tonight?”
“I’m going to get drunk and pass out in Sander’s house” Niki said. I simply nodded.
“Jen? Ice how about you two? ”
“Jen and I will be… working out some personal problems after a few drinks…” said Ice.
“What kind of personal problems are those… if I may ask?”
“Um Jen and I are… fighting over a guy…”
“Ohh… well… um who might that be?”
“I don’t think we should say just yet, we don’t want to make too much of a problem for some people.”
“… … … Char? How about you what are you think of? Plans tonight??  I mean to say…”
“Um… maybe just going to drink and maybe have a nice walk around the park near my house.”
“I think I’ll join you…” added Danny…
“Well it’s less of a park and more like a trial.”
“ether way I’ll still join you.” Danny added.

                As the room fell silent, I found that I was just looking at the bottle in my hand… honestly my brain was going blank… my vision was going blurred as I stared down at the bottle. I looked down and I realized that almost half my drink was gone. I turned to look at Niki and saw her trying to drown whatever problem was eating her from the inside. I watched as the bottle in her hand slowly drop as she tilted her head back down I watched as she looked back in to my eyes… you could tell that there was something wrong.  She was struggling to keep her head straight. You could basically see the fake smile that she had on slowly crumble. With each sip of that drink, you could see her fake smile slowly fade… she knew that that was near the end of it… her personal conviction to keep that smile was slowly lost.

                Once again I felt as if I was slowly braking.  Niki knew how to deal with everything… put on the fake smile… make everyone happy while she suffered internally…  I wish I could say that I relate to her… she knows that she is broken… and to me that actually… makes me feel like I have hope… I know for a fact that it’s not all worthless… but I’ve just been trying to hope… I did not want to seem like such a downer every time when I am around other people I care about…  Niki… she was something that I

wanted to be… I wanted to be something like her. I wanted to be as productive as her . even if I was flawed…even if I was broken I just wanted to be as popular as she is. But no.. I’m the guy that sits around I class waiting to get harassed by the next teacher that comes in.

                At the time my mind was flooded with a lot of things. I did not realized that my mind was wondering so far. My eyes were locked with Niki’s, she already got in to my mind. It was as if the weight of the world was pushing down on her. But as I was about to get lost in her eyes once more  a voice broke the silence.