My Battle With Mental Health (Chapter 1)[page 15] Night of regret

We both lay down as we passionately kiss, Her aggressive nature makes things… Unsafe from time to time, she asks.

“Still have ropes?”
“Jen… not In the mood for that right now.”  As she dose that she gently bites my inner arm.
“Please? I have not been played with for some time.”
“I’m… I’m just so Lost with that kind of stuff, right now…”
“Come on… I miss the rope burn.”
“Jen… Please… Can we have one normal night?”
“You’re a Dom Sander… our Thing is not normal.”
“I Don’t want to… Just not in the mood.”

                She reaches up to hold my face, she pulls me down kissing my cheek. The passion in her eyes. The sexual desire,

“You okay… you usually love to tie me up…”
“I used to…” She rolls around laying chest down on and puts her arms behind her back.
“I have some rope in my jacket.”

                I slowly cares her hands… I’m missed ropes myself the feel of it all… The Feeling of owning someone. But… no… I know that I can’t do that again, But I find myself walking over to the table picking up Her jacket and finding a small bundle of rope.  The rope in my hands feels so good. It just feels right. But I know for a fact that it’s wrong, I did not want to do this thing again. And yet I’m right back where I started, I hated myself…  more than usual, I Know for a fact that I don’t want this but for some reason I’m sitting here on the bed slowly wrapping her arms together. The grin on her face said everything… I knew I had to stop…

                So I did I pulled the rope off her arms and laid down  next to her, I threw the rope across the room it slammed in to a mirror just a cross from the bed. Jen looked at me.

“Oh why did you stop?”
“I told you I don’t want this…” I said looking at her in the eye “I want you… but I don’t want to play games anymore… I want what I want.”
“You think it’s that simple? you can just give up on this…” she paused for a few seconds before speaking again, “You and I need to keep this thing a live… Ya we do weird things but it’s the things that we want.”
“This is something you want…”
“I know… I’m just going to be a one night thing but please… at least try to make me feel loved”
“Loved? I’ve been alone for years.. I don’t really know what love is… “
“Now your going all emo on me?”
“Grow up! Jen… This would won’t wait for us…”
“I know Sander! I just wanted to have a few moments of love”
“I Loved you before… But… You had to go an ruin it for everyone… We had a good thing going… you messed it up”
“I know I messed it all up Sander, I know, I regret it.”