My Battle With Mental Health (Chapter 1)[page 1]

        I told myself that everything was going to be okay. I never realized how much of a lie that was. I could spend so much time thinking about how to fix things, how to make things better, but in the end it did not work out.

        I was sitting alone in a bar, the bar of one of my schoolmates. It was some place I still enjoyed. Some place I felt like I could be me. Holding an empty bottle in my hand, I found that it was already half empty. But other things drew my attention away like the cuts on my left arm that were red so even if I was trying to avoid it, I will still be looking at it. The bar owner walked to wards me. Seeing that it was already late and I was the only one that was in the bar.

         "Drinking again Sander?" she spoke, sitting next to me. Her long hair and thick black jacket was somewhat comforting to me. She was someone from school... I saw her a lot and I heard that she was some kind of a model. As if that was supposed to catch my attention, even if it was something that I remembered. I took another sip before I spoke.
"Char... I like to enjoy my drinks..."
"Well it’s that or you don't have any more cash to splash"
"Maybe that’s true but I do enjoy the drink"
"Well that drink you are enjoying has been in your hand for about... an hour now..."
"Well I really like to enjoy my drinks... and I don't have money"

        I noticed her eyes jump to my arm... and that started a soft tension till it was broken by her sudden sigh...

"Sander... I heard you were supposed to be a smart kid... What went down?"
"Like everyone in my life... people just left me, all I felt was that... self-loathing."
"But you can do so much... you are so skilled and talented."
"That does not matter to me...
"It matters to me" she burst out suddenly, her voice laced with pain.

I stood up and looked at her.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"It means I hate seeing you waste away drink by drink! I hate the fact that I have to worry about you every time you step out that god forsaken door!," she yelled as she got up and pointed at the exit to the place, a simple iron door.
"Why the hell do you care so much anyway Char?!"
"It's... nothing." she said sitting back down grabbing my drink... she drank the rest of it. "Just go home... I'll see you tomorrow."

       I stepped towards the door while putting on my jacket. As I put my hand on the door, I heard a sigh... and as I looked back. it seemed that she was fixing up the bar for closing. Char.... she was always so... caring even if I do take that care for granted. Pushing the door open, I walked out in to the cold night... the door slowly shut behind me... and just like that, I was alone again... the snow was falling softly... winter had just started... the cold reminded me of her... it reminded me of her cold heart.  I could not get her back for that... she broke me... as simple as that, and whenever someone would ask me, I would just tell them that.... I was okay.  Even if that was a blatant lie...

      All I knew is I needed to go home... out of the cold… and in to the dark...

All I could hear was the soft snow crunching under my feet, the sounds were not too calming, truth be told, rather it put me on edge... It made me feel like I was being watched. It’s one in the morning so I knew for a fact that people would not be out but that way of thinking put me more on edge. My heart was racing.

      I have been walking for an hour... nothing but the snow around me... It made everything feel like it was empty... like... it was nothing. To see that the moon was out did not help the fact that I was on edge... My eyes were darting from tree to tree to the side ally to anything I could look at... Only a few more feet and I was going to be home...